Welcome of this Lost Phase

8:39 PM

I's just got 19 years 2 months 3 days old.. not that far away from my plain 19th birthday.. I just hope that i'm get 20 safely with some new concept, new reflection...

Life gets boring. Reality is suck. I'm just none without my friends. I'm just lost. Getting lost, both deeper and farther.  When I'm on my own, I always thinking what this life for, is this serious for me, how about ending life… How about new person, new friends, new event, everything's new. Seriously, how did this condition come and mess up around. Go somewhere? New place is not going to change everything, I think. Yesterday night, I'm going out, just went walking all the way, around my place. Finding new path, seeing everything around, what's went up, knockin' my friend door and hope that they will accompanying that night. Sadly that the sky is not clear enough to see the stars. And everything end up with I'm going to bed earlier, and late for waking up. Everything got messier.

Like waterfalls, I'm just other common water atom, following the flows, clueless about the end of the river. Well that I'm obviously sure, that I have changed. So much. So much that easily forget who am I, how I became this mess, so undefined. Ckk, well yesterday my friend told me that n that we all of us get messier these day. And I'm just like 'oh yeah?', well what this life if it's just about pretending to be fine, to get laugh as much as we can to forget all the problem? It's not easy as your logic think. We don’t only have brain, body.. But also have soul.

"How's your life dude? Getting bussy with many tasks from your college huh?"
Oh so poor
"My soul felt so empty, no light, so empty, clueless"
probably I would say that kind of answer

Can you imagine how life with no passion within. When our hobby get burried by so many daily activities. Fresh air? Well I really need fresh air, not air from fan nor the air conditioner. But this is reality dude, you can't escape. People all go changes. The value got changed so fast. How we socialize, threat each others, how we respect, how we talk, how we see something. Got commingled all the way like dump. The different that I'm still precious to get owned. Well everybody deserve to get owned. Depending how we find each other. I'm getting off. Felt these day, I'm going to be a zombie.. Zombie, without enthusiasm, passionate, optimist for..

Try this and that, everything doesn't work as i want to.

Parents? They took me off, they loose me, set me free, free until I don't get advice, guidance of life. Yeah I'm free. Even when I went home in some weekend, they busy doing their stuff. I have religion. Nope, I don't leave the faith. But it feels like need escorts to go safely, get blessed by Him. I'm so afraid, so afraid and feels like lost of desires for Him. I felt really bad for this. I feel insincere from people around me.. I just wanna be kid again, don't know anything, there's no pressure for everything what I've done. In my eyes, I just can handle my imagination sight now.

I found that 

Don’t know how this life for
I'm getting stuck in phase 'lost-in-life'

But, I found that I'm not getting lost alone in this world. So many people, with no guidance, no purpose..

Advice for my self and you were getting lost in this life
"We can handle this"
"You are brave that you think"
"Let's pray, it seems possible, so that's we pray"
"Fly and run, don't stop moving"
"Enjoy life, forget the past"
"Let's dance fucking up all night"
"Open up some great book, get lost your imagination in the great story"
"Visit some places that most misses all the times"
"Listen cheerful music and singing all the way"

Honestly, I hope that I can be drunk then fly for a moment
and comeback finding a right path in reality


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